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Happiness for others is….

Half a year back I wrote about what happiness means to me and how I have learnt to be happy and remain happy. Every word of it stands true even today. We all by and far know what makes us happy but the a profile picture of a friend made me think do we really know what makes others happy or is it just our perception of their happiness? By others here I mean the people whom we love.

Sometimes we feel that we know what makes the other person happy but is that really true or is it just our perception of their happiness. We may do something, small or big, thinking that it will make the other person happy but do we realize that that exact thing might be the irritating the person or worse still making the person feel sad?

Other times we feel that we are doing something for the betterment of the person we love but do we realize that it may harm the person emotionally to no extent. Don’t get me wrong, I am talking about a reverse scenario here. In most of the cases, our loved ones do things to make us happy and it does work!

I will quote a simple example, with a super power which only she has, my mom often surprises me with a glass of cold coffee at night an hour after dinner and says she just sensed that I wanted something chilled and that chilled is cold coffee! On the other hand, my dad will, more often than not, offer me fruits or offer to make milkshake or will force me to eat something when I am not feeling upto it at all. The timing is always off and he ends up forcing me eat out of concern but I end up getting a bit irritated since I am an “answer in once sentence and only once “sort of a person.

The purpose of both my parents is to make me happy or sheer concern for me but the way they express and the timing does matter.  I do not doubt their intention a bit, my father’s intention clearly is to make me eat something he wishes but he sometimes forgets the angle that I might not want to eat that or may be not at that time. Whereas my mother most of the time senses that I am not up for force eating and she just gives up after an attempt or two or better still just knows what I need at that point of time. Yes, we can always go back to the fact that mother understands us like nobody does but still.

So coming back to the point, sometimes we assume that someone’s happiness is in something and work towards it without the knowledge that that thing might actually be hurting that person to no end. Other times we may assume that something that we are doing now will result in other person’s happiness later but it is still an assumption. Basically we have to choose between what really makes the other person happy or we think makes them happy.

There is also a time where we know that what we do is hurting the other person but we assume that it is better for them and will result in their happiness sometime later. But what if the other person really wants is the happiness now and pains later? It again depends from person to person.

There is a Marathi movie names “Duniyadari” , in this movie the heroine Shirin marries Shreyas the hero even when she is aware that Shreyas has an interminable disease and has his days are numbered. In one of the scenes after their marriage (yes they get married in a dramatic scene) she says (translating Marathi dialogue in English), “when I came to know about your disease I thought what can I do for you? And the answer came, I can love you!”. This is a classic example. The guy could have very well left her with an assumption that she will be happy if he stays away from her life, the girl could have very well married the rich, spoiled brat but they both chose each other. Neither the guy said I will not marry you because I am interminably ill nor did the girl think that she might have her husband only for a few months or even days.

The above scenario can be interpreted in more than one ways than one mentioned above but I absolutely loved the way they accepted their own and the other person’s happiness. Some might even say what’s the point in spoiling the girl’s life when the guy knows that he cannot be with the girl for ever or why can’t the girl be practical and get married to the other guy. But I have chosen my point of view and it remains.

When I Googled “i want you to be happy even if” I got ample number of results with images with quotes like “.. even if it means without me” or “even it means that I am not a part of it” or “even if you are not with me”, honestly none of it goes down well with me. But such is life dearies! 🙂

Happy Birthday to Me!

I write this post while I am in midst of receiving lots and lots of wishes and blessings. Yes it is my birthday today! Had it been a year before, I would have been with a sorry face sitting in one corner of my office or a corner at my home, believe it or not.

It is true that birthdays mean different thing to different people and for me, for the past 6-7 years it meant a chore. A chore that had to be done, “thank yous” to be said and fake smiles to be flaunted since I used to be eternally sad and lie in self pity. Sorry to sound nasty, but questions like why was I born and why did I come to this world and what the hell am I doing used to trouble me immensely. I used to actually cry on all my birthdays for the past few years.

But this year has been contrastingly different and how! This year I feel happy on my birthday and feel that I want to live life to fullest. This year I actually feel blessed to receive the wishes and blessings from friends and families. I appreciate that they have spared time to wish me in whatever way possible and took efforts to make me feel special on my birthday. Receiving wishes and blessings is not a chore this year and most importantly I am not questioning my existence anymore!

I am happy with myself in all ways may it be emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual. I am happy that there are people for whom I really mean something and they are happy to have them in my life and those people are non other than my beloved friends! Parents fall in a different category sine they love us no matter what. When I receive a phone call or a whatsapp message or a text message I actually feel special. May be its the magic of the number 31 😀

On this birthday I do not feel that I have failed myself on the contrary I feel I have won in quiet a lot of situations. I feel I have conducted myself extremely well in crisis situation both in my personal and professional life. There have been so many downs than ups in my life but with God’s grace there have been always the super support systems named friends! They have always been around taking my tantrums, showering me with praises, patting my back when I do something good and also giving me an earful when I do something wrong.

The celebration began with this cake!
The celebration began with this cake!

On this birthday I choose to count my blessings. When I take a closer look around I feel that I am blessed in several ways than some of the less fortunate, by saying this I do not mean to demean anyone but I can’t really help but think this way. I might sound a bit materialistic by saying this, but with blessings I mean a comfortable home to reside, a cupboard full of clothes (err..  I am having a tough time to fit them in one cupboard, but let’s not get to that 😛 ) and several other things. Above all, I have my parents(however eccentric at times that they are) but yes I have them in reasonably good health and how many ever difference of opinions that we have I truly and unconditionally love then for who they are and for being around when I needed them.

On this birthday I believe is I have made peace with myself and this I think is because I am happy with myself. So this birthday I vow to forgive myself completely and permanently for all the mistakes that I have done in the past. I vow that I will take conscious effort to not let them trouble me anymore in the future and also not to repeat them again consciously. I vow to remain happy and try and keep the people happy who really matter to me. I vow to keep myself away from people who are not good for my emotional and psychological well being. I vow to keep myself physically and emotionally healthy but not letting external factors affect my health. I vow to travel light by leaving the emotional baggage behind and carry only important and positive things with me! 😉

So the birthday celebrations started yesterday when some of my special friends meet and gave me a pleasant surprise by getting a cake. It made me so very happy.

So I really, from the bottom of my heart want to thank all my friends and mom & dad for making me the person I am!