Few days ago, I came across a picture shared on a social media messaging application about how the innocent child in us does not understand ego, hatred, hurt and is always wanting to connect back to people who are not in touch. The child in us does not understand complex emotions, it just understand simple emotions like love, care, laughter and simple things like “I want” or “I don’t want”.
Another thing which is worth admiring about any child whether by age or the one in us is that the child’s mind is a blank slate which fills during the day and turns blank after some interval. Every day is a new day for them. They trust and love others equally after the slate is blank. How many of us as adults start with a blank slate about a person or a situation every single day? No, it is not practically possible for us to have a blank slate each single day. We hold on to past incidents and experiences and alter our behaviour accordingly. And that is how we become adults!
As adults, we also care too much about what others will think and say if we do or say something. It’s not that I do not believe in adhering to the decorum of the situation of the environment, but sometimes even with people I am comfortable like friends or family I hesitate to say things or laugh on certain things just because I am suppose to behave like adults.
Here is a list of things that the child in wants to do but won’t do because of the adult that I am:
· The child in me always to have a blank slate at the start of every single day, but the adult in me finds a way to not erase the scribbling of the previous day!
· The child in me wants to run helter skelter in all directions without the fear of falling or running into dead ends or about having enough resources but the developed adult brains thinks about fears, the limited resources and the other responsibilities.
· The child in me wants to see only good in the people around but the adult in me does not help but notice the not so good things about people.
· The child in me wants to help people selflessly but the adult in me calculates what the person has done for me and then decides if the help is worth it. (There are still some exceptions to this rule tough!)
· When someone hurts me with some unpleasant words or actions, the child in me wants to forgive the person unconditionally but the adult in me weighs my expectations to the extent of fulfilment and then decides whether to hold on to the hurt or to let it go and when should I get back to my blank slate(which may not be completely blank after all).
· The child in me just wants to hug the other person tightly and say let the bygones be bygones but as an adult I have to adhere to the social standards and stick to the imaginary lines drawn everywhere.
· The child in me still like to see some sillycartoon series and enjoy it thoroughly but the adult in me fears to do so and especially to mention it somewhere for the fear of being teased.
· The child in me wants to talk and discuss things without any boundaries and inhibitions but the adult know the rules and regulations to which extent what can be discussed with whom and when.
The list is endless but the I guess I will still have to keep the child in me in a check and let the adult take decisions and lead the life to an apparently sensible direction!
Have you ever experienced that feeling of relief when you trust your instincts and take a decision only to realize later that that was the best thing you did? Well, I am one of the unfortunate people who does otherwise. I am actually blessed with a strong sense of instincts sometimes which are very close to premonitions.
I am sure most of us have read in many places that we should trust our instincts. For some strange reason, I have fallen into a habit of not trusting my instincts and going against them. According to me it’s a mind versus heart battle, I believe that instincts originate from the mind and are mostly logical and guide you to the right direction. Whereas the things that come to your mind when you are not listening to your instincts come from your heart.
I fell into a trap of not trusting my instincts and going against them long back only to accept and acknowledge it now 😦 . I generally ignore my instincts about most of the things as small as choosing the mode of transport while commuting to work to things in personal relationships. Somehow I have remained sane enough to trust and follow my instincts related to work and I have been able to avoid lot of sticky situations only because I followed the instincts.
Returning to things other than work, I am not sure why I do not follow the instincts about certain things, maybe I am depending too much on luck or the fact that things or situations might turn out differently during course of time. Basically when my instincts tell me that I am heading to a pit and might fall into it, I still head towards the pit hoping that I will not fall into it and will find a way to avoid it. Come to think of it, it is not a bad thing, while it may not be the wisest thing to do but atleast it says a lot about my risk appetite.
I have come to realize and acknowledge that there is a lot of difference between fear and instinct. Fear is of the unknown most of the times while instincts originate only when one is already in the situation. Fear can also be of the known but I think it is a pre-phase and for me it vanishes when I get into the situation. I have also mentioned about me looking too much into the future to enjoy the present. May be that facet of my personality and behaviour has changed over time and I have started living much in the present to worry too much about the future which actually lets me just walk head on into things which I would have avoided had it been my earlier self.
Off late there have been too many incidents where I had strong instincts about something and every such thing has happened exactly the way I thought. My instincts were screaming on my face but my heart always defended saying ‘nothing like that is going to happen, everything will remain as good as it is’. There were so many incidents where my instincts told me something and my heart contradicted it. May be it is my blind belief in people and situations which restricts me to look at the obvious and continue to trust.
Like a coin, I think everything has two sides so does my mind and heart and the experiences and situations. We win some we lose some and this is exactly what I think has a happened to me. So on one side, I do not follow my instincts but on the other side I take risks knowingly which has made me less fearful. Since the quantum of fear is less the acceptances and ability to face difficult situations arising out of the fearlessness has gone up. This fearlessness helps me to enjoy the moment that I am in right now rather than worrying about something that may or may not happen.
Another aspect to this is that, since I follow my heart and over look my instincts, there is hope and trust in people and situations, which implies that the innocence of my heart is still intact. We generally become hopeless and trust less when we feel bitterly about something. I am sort of hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. There is again a flip side to this, the betrayal of hope and trust leads to sufferings but then again since I am prepared for the worst, it seems that this was inevitable. So I enjoy the moment that I am in, embrace the betrayal, suffer from it a bit and bounce back.
The bottom line is that I need to trust and follow my instincts (which I have always know) but also enjoy the moment that I am in, basically no change is required I am perfect! 😀 😛
Note to self : The phrase “I think” needs to be used less.