So much has happened in the last one month that I am having trouble remembering and noting it down. So much expected and a lot more unexpected. I have noticed such extremes that I am beginning to wonder what exactly is happening to my life. Some expected and a lot more unexpected.
How does it feel to be loved by a stranger and hurt irreparably by the one we thought loved us the most? Weird right? That’s what exactly has been happening in the past few days. The ones I thought loved me have hurt me beyond a point of forgiveness and I learnt a new thing, being back stabbed is more bearable than being murdered in front of your own eyes. It pains immensely to see someone who loved you and whom you loved putting a dagger in your heart. You go out of the way to make someone happy, sacrifice your own self, walk on thornes to reach out to a person only to be killed by that same person.
In one of my earlier posts I had mentioned that crying comes solemnly to me these days and how I was proved wrong! With so much hurt my eyes sting from the constantly flowing tears and more with the ones unshed. So hurt am I that I barely hear my own voice let alone the one’s of others. After years, I do not remember how many, I have screamed at the top of my voice in anger, well the person doing it won! They made me an animal which I never thought I would become. I have achieved new levels, the lowest ones, so much so that I am ashamed of my own behaviour and that too for standing up for something that was really wrong, for standing up for injustice and for truth against my own people. Well that is life I guess, so people who had fell earlier have successfully managed to pull me down.
I have also learned that whatever you do for someone you love it is never enough. I remember mentioning being happy in one of my earlier posts, but I guess it is applicable only for me. How long can one stay happy when the family around them is determined to remain unhappy themselves and is hell bent on upsetting happiness of people around just because they are not able to cope up with themselves. While one’s happiness rubs off on the people around, the bad mood rubs off even faster. The people who like to make other’s life hell just because they are not happy are like walls, you paint them, maintain best upkeep, decorate them the best you can but they remain still, emotionless and when you bang your head against them you end up getting hurt.
When hell was breaking loose, three things helped me keep my sanity my friends, my hobbies and my work in that order. My friends have been a source of constant support, while my bouts of throwing tantrums have come down immensely; my friends have always been supportive and have patiently listened to my banter while I complained endlessly. Coincidently two of my very best friends S & S are my like comfort pillows on which I laugh, smile, cry and also dream. Thank you guys for being with me when I am at my worst! They both have helped me retain my sanity and are only reason I have not gone mad in the past few days. I am immensely lucky to have you both in my life and at the same time!
I thank myself that I developed hobbies which give me happiness and help me take my mind off the entire world when it was turning upside down. While emboss painting and paper crafting was already on the top of the list of my hobbies, I have developed and am improving day by day in nail art. With help from one of my friend, I am slowly but steadily improving in doing nail art and am also buying few nail art tools to develop it even further.
Thirdly, my work! Never have I been so thankful for my hands being so full of work. My work is keeping me extremely busy and occupied most of the times and I thank my stars for it. Because of some recent changes at my workplace, I am burdened with few additional responsibilities and I am sort of enjoying it. I sparely find time to think about anything else at work and I am not regretting it at all.
Oh yes, I also attended reunion organized by few of my school friends and enjoyed thoroughly. While I was in touch with few of them, few others turned out unexpectedly and we meet after 15 years. It was an amazing experience. I also did a nail art matching my dress. Now that I have lost 7 kgs of weight I look much better than I used to and I am loving it!
Now that I have confided in my most trusted friend my blog, I am feeling so much better! 🙂