I am back from my recluse, the renovation project at my home is over but the after effects are still there. Nevertheless a lot of water has passed under the bridge in the last one month. There were some emotionally trying, decisively difficult and some fun times. While all this was happening, my personality has undergone few changes and I am surprising myself with them.
I have mentioned how overtly cautious I am in situations which are not needed. Well, I am happy to inform you(and to know myself too 😛) that I have started facing my fears head on. While I am still to reach the reckless self but I have started taking risks and facing my fears head on. I will not shy away from admitting that at one point of time in my life I was an ostrich and used to bury my head in the sand when I saw problems or difficult situations approaching. I would just wish that they would pass and everything will be back to normal. But what I dint understand is when I buried my head in the sand and did nothing about it, the world around me turned upside down and I used to stare at it thinking how did this happen to me and my world and depression would take over.
But now it has dawned on me that burying my head in the sand does not help, if there are problems they need to be resolved, if there are fears they need to be conquered, if not conquered atleast faced once just to check if I can conquer them. I am trying few things which I thought I would never be able to do and I have done things just to check if I can do them and overcome my fear for it. For a few things, I have succeeded in overcoming my fear completely and end up thinking it wasn’t that bad!
It started off at work place where there are some changes in my roles and responsibilities due to some changes in the organization. Initially I feared thinking how am I going to manage, what when I have to conduct or attend meetings with relatively senior people around, at that precise time, I actually heard myself say let’s just face it! I will fumble, I will fall but I have to face problems, situations, acquisitions and all that comes my way fearlessly. In such situations I always remember of a forward on social media which says, be like a swan, appear calm and composed on the surface but paddle furiously underneath the water to move forward.
Sometimes I feel that the knowledge of the fact that you are on your own gives us a different sort of courage. As humans we sometimes tend to blame other people and situations for something going wrong, but when we know that the we are on our own, the outcome, good or bad is because of your own action. We try to think the decisions more thoroughly when there is no fall back plan. And still if something goes wrong? Well, it becomes a good learning, doesn’t it?
As a child, I was thoroughly terrified of arts and crafts, the reason for which I have mentioned <here>. So I took up paper crafting and made a greeting card but soon guilt of wasting precious paper got better off me and I decided to do paper crafting with news paper. While I am still responsible for slaughtering trees but the acuteness of the guilt is less. So here is my first newspaper craft, it is basically a pen holder (don’t know if it looks like one), which I made with technique of rolling a news paper and sticking and colouring it. It did not turn out the way I expected but I am happy with it nevertheless!
I went for an outing with my colleagues to a resort which had adventure activities. It was a fun filled trip and there was another thing I tried which I thought until then that I would never try. I did rappelling there(don’t know if the spelling is correct), it basically involved climbing down the wall or a steep surface. I am absolutely terrified of heights and for me it was something which required lot of courage. After listening intently to the instructor and seeing my other colleagues do it, I finally decided that I will give it a shot since the instructor said that even if I left both my hand I will never fall down and so I did it! I am far from saying that I have overcome my fear for heights but I feel I will after two or three more attempts.
I did another absolutely brave thing about which I was sceptical from a very long time. There were so many doubts and ifs & buts about that thing but I finally decided to do it. It was just to break a mental block. I will keep that thing and the outcome to myself but I tried nevertheless!
I also did a nail art with stamping plates one of my friends gave me, so all in all I did lot of things and feel accomplished for a past few days. And also did something I have fallen in love with lately – blogging – again! 🙂