By far this is one of the most written about and read topics in the universe. Everybody is trying their best to be happy. Happiness actually means different things to different people. For me, happiness is being content, where you are, with what you have.
When I receive compliment that I looked very happy and good in one of the photographs, it gets me thinking, was I truly happy at the time the photograph was taken? Actually, not. That photograph was a very random click, there was absolutely no intention or reason of looking good or happy. But I chose to look good and happy when the photograph was being taken. There were probably 100 things that were not working out right at that time, there might have immense work pressure, it would have been a bad commute to work or some one might have just back stabbed me; but there I was smiling serenely at the camera.
At that moment I chose to look happy and glad to be photographed or just to be alive, it was a conscious choice I made. I felt content and happy and calm inspite of all the craziness around. To walk on my own two legs, to be able to see the good and not very good things with my own two eyes, to be able to write with my own two hands, to be able to hear the laughter of my loved ones, are all blessings we tend to forget at times. For now, I have chosen to be happy with these things. Some might say that I am not ambitious and aggressive, may not be really. Some might also feel that I do not push myself to achieve things, or I am not exactly a go-getter. Let me tell you, I am none of these. It is absolutely ok to do things at our own pace, it is not mandatory to run the race and win it every time. While we are running the race there will be people who will be cheering for us. Who are truly genuinely happy to just see us there, they are equally important.
Recent past has taught me all these things in a hard way. There were trying times both in personal and professional lives; I broke down several times, sometimes for some reason and sometimes for no reasons at all. That’s when I decided and made a conscious choice that come what may, I will enjoy everything that comes my may. I will be content with what I have. It’s ok to feel miserable and happy both at the same time. It’s ok to smile in difficult times, it may not solve the problems but it makes things bearable. There were times when I genuinely dint feel like smiling (and I dint, for days), I snapped at everything and everybody around, but the loved ones were supportive enough to tolerate all my craziness. That phase has passed now and I am always ready for the photograph!
Realizations hits hard and they are like bitter medicines which are actually working for the betterment of our mind, body and soul. There is a page on a social media site where there are cartoon strips of “Happiness Is”, I absolutely love those and nod and smile and each and every one of them.
Smiling and looking happy does not mean that one does not have problems or one has a perfect life. It only means that despite all this the person has chosen to be happy at that very moment. My life too is not perfect there are several problems related to lot of aspects, but I am trying my best to be positive, face situation head on. As mentioned in my earlier post, I have managed to stun if not kill the anxiety. Also I have learned to say “It just doesn’t matter!” in many situations.
Difficult times are part and parcel of life, I have spent a good amount of time feeling miserable and asking why me? Both my personal and professional life underwent complete transformation. It was like tumbling down the hilltop to the bottom of the valley. I was bruised, beaten, exhausted, sour, lay flat on my back looking at the place that I was once in and the place I am in now. At that very moment, the people who really cared, helped me up, helped me dust myself, take a look at exactly where and who I was. I resisted a bit, I just wanted to stay in the mess. But they insisted any which way. After some time of resistance, self-denial and self-pity, there I was, up and about! Made some conscious decisions, tried my best to deal with difficult situations, smiled when I felt miserable and snapped at times. But I feel much better now. Relaxed and looking ahead.
I have started my journey again, and hope to reach somewhere. I try and grab any opportunity that makes me happy. Having people around is the best medicine. Loneliness is good once in a while, but company really brings out best in us.
So inspite of all the things that are not going exactly the way I want them to, inspite of some people being or not being in my life is making me feel miserable, I am choosing to be happy and to smile at everything. Because now I know for sure, that nothing is permanent, to cry over things is ok, but to smile later is more important!